You don’t have to be grateful that it isn’t worse.
read that.
read it again, and again, and again.
somebody, somewhere, always has it worse than you. there is one person on this planet that has it the worst of all, and that person is NOT the only person allowed to be unhappy with their lot.
if things are bad for you, they are bad for you. period.
This goes for trauma as well. A lot of times survivors get trapped in a cycle of minimizing/diminishing their trauma because “other people have it worse” – but there is no hierarchy of trauma. There is no ranking system for which traumas are “better” or “worse.” Your trauma is valid. Period.
IMPORTANT TRUTHS.
As a therapist, lemme just say: almost every trauma survivor I’ve ever had has at some point said “But I didn’t have it as bad as some people” and then talked about how other types of trauma are worse. Even my most-traumatized, most-abused, most psychologically-injured clients say this.
The ones who were cheated on, abandoned, and neglected say this. The ones who were in dangerous accidents/disasters say this. The ones who were horrifyingly sexually abused say this. The ones who were brutally beaten say this. The ones who were psychologically tortured for decades say this. What does that tell you? That one of the typical side-effects of trauma is to make you believe that you are unworthy of care.
Don’t buy into it, because it’s nonsense. It doesn’t matter if someone else had it “worse.” Every person who experiences a trauma deserves to get the attention and care they need to heal from it.
I hear this from clients and other therapists. Trauma is trauma because it’s traumatic *to you*. You deserve care and connection.
Tag: ;flapscouragement
never stop being a good person because of bad people
There is a distinct difference between caring for someone and carrying someone.
Know the difference.
You are allowed to let people down when they are too heavy.
You are not a bad person because you have limits.
Do you have any advice for people that have the same problem that you and Flaps are trying to overcome? I think many of us would benefit from advice and positivity, but only if you are able to offer it.
* this has been sitting a while – runi wanted me to be able to answer this one myself.
* i think something really important to remember is like…. don’t overextend yourself. you can only do so much – and even then, you aren’t obligated to push yourself so far for other people.
* i know that sounds fairly harsh – and i know a lot of you will probably see this and think something along the lines of “well, that can’t mean THIS, x person NEEDS me and i’m the ONLY ONE who can do xyz”
* and man let me tell you!!! i’ve been there! i’m stuck thinking that all the time. it sucks putting that much pressure on yourself because then you’re always trying to prove – whether to just yourself or to other people – that you CAN do everything, that you can fix all of everyone’s problems
* but the thing is – you can’t. you won’t EVER be able to be, like…. The One that Solves Everything and Saves The Day, Every Day. it’s unfortunately extremely unrealistic – and not only that, but holding yourself to a standard like that is only gonna bring about a lot of hell for you.
* this isn’t me saying that you shouldn’t help out where you can, though! there’s definitely merit in being helpful, in being there for your friends and all that – but the important thing here is to know your own limits and step back when you need to step back. overextending helps no one in the end, and you aren’t solely responsible for taking care of everyone in your circle personally.
* don’t be afraid to tell people that you can’t help, or that you need some time to yourself. i know it’s hard – really hard in some situations – but pushing yourself too far past your limits never ends well.
A message to my fellow passive people… People who aren’t willing to compromise aren’t worth your time ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ
Flapsinhands Backup 